There is never a right time for good-byes. The tearing of relationships broken by the new distance found between them is at times too much to carry, yet that has been my burden for some time now. I have been caught between two worlds, my present and my future, and to be rather honest I have hated every minute of it. At times I wish I could just be there in my new life living this grand adventure I have set out for myself, and than there are others time where all I want to do is stay sipping my coffee and listening to old friends tell even older stories.
I am heartbroken. I have tried to look back on this past year and count all the moments that I wasted doing something pointless when I should have been spending more time with the people I love. Atlas, my time has come. Graduation was the final component for my catalyst and I am now days away from leaving my home, my friends, my family.
I have no doubt that once I get on the plane I will be overjoyed, but I'm not there yet. I'm here, at home, with all my memories surrounding me. I wish I could be braver. I wish I could be stronger. I wish I wasn't so full of fear. But I am.
I have been so overflowed with doubt that I try to avoid certain duties... like buying bug spray and getting my shots... and even packing (my bad). I find myself fading in and out of memories from winning waterball, to passing my belt test, to making costumes, to winning Sing Song, to becoming a rodeo queen and finally becoming a college graduate. These moments I will treasure for they are all I have left of a time that is now over for me.
While my departure brings forth sadness and doubts I hadn't not truly expect, I place my confidence on Christ. I may not know what this summer has in store for me, but I know my God goes before me. Wherever He leads, I must follow.
So farewell my home. I will miss you. Farewell my family... I might call you. Farewell my friends, I will remember you.
wsl,
mal.
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O' my sweet, sweet girl,
ReplyDeleteI held my tears at the airport so as not go make the parting more painful or difficult. Of course, the vets and the Patiot Patrol provided a good distraction. How I longed to keep you home for just a few more days. Days that we could spend playing "Come find me!" or dominoes or talking way into the night or cooking/baking or giving foot rubs. I hate that we had all those details to finish up.
Know, however, that no matter the miles between us, I love you. Also, rejoice in the fact that God works best thru our weakness. So when you feel sad or scared or lost, God is actively working in your life.
Blessings, my little one,
Your Mommy
P..S. And, please do call!